16 Korean dating tips to help you escape singledom
In Korea, there is a compound word ‘모태솔로 Mo-tae-solo’, which means someone who has never had a boyfriend or girlfriend since coming out of their mother’s womb. Christmas is coming, and it will be super crowded with couples everywhere. How can we singles bear this couple hell? There are sure ways to survive the trial that is finding your lover and becoming a couple. Here are 16 dating secrets based on Korean culture to help you graduate from a solo life.
Let’s start with Kim’s story. What advice should we give him?
1. Start your conversation positively from the beginning
If you have to say something negative to someone you are interested in, change the way you speak. Don’t use a negative tone at first. In this situation, Kim should have said, “Try a little bit of this yourself. I think it is a little over seasoned”. Start with a considerate tone towards the other person.
2. Accurately portray yourself online
If you expect to meet your lover in an offline meeting after they've already seen your online life, set up your profile so that people aren't disappointed in your real looks. Kim is a popular reviewer, but honestly he doesn't have an attractive style to women. They might be disappointed when they see Kim in real life if he doesn't look as good as his photo on the internet, but if Kim uploads an accurate photo, then people won’t be disappointed that he doesn't meet their expectations when they meet at an offline meeting. A good place to meet women is animal and restaurant review clubs, and good places to meet men are camera, sports and car clubs.
3. Practicing a blind date
Everybody wants to be a good conversationalist. Practice makes perfect. At this moment, your mother and father may be good people to practice with. Don’t practice at home. Go to a Café on a weekend, like a real date. For example, the way a man talks might be the same way his father talks, and his mother might be sick and tired of her husband’s way of speaking. His mother can give concrete and accurate feedback to the man. Then, he can go on real blind dates.
If a partner is interested in you,
1. They don’t avoid it when your eye contact lasts over 3 seconds.
2. Women will draw their hair back over their ears.
3. Women will cross their legs. This is an especially good sign if her top leg is pointed towards you.
4. During a blind date, they totally ignore their cell phone ring or hang up the phone quickly to concentrate on you.
4. Something Oppas shouldn’t say on a blind date.
Don’t start by saying that this is your first time on a blind date. When a woman hears that first thing, she might think ‘so what?’ Your partner spent her precious weekend meeting you. After finishing your date, you can send a message like this. "It was my pleasure. To tell the truth, this was my first time on a blind date. Sorry if I made mistakes." And then she might think you are cute.
To succeed on your blind date,
1. Prepare to talk about what women are interested in. For example, K-dramas.
2. Don’t have a conversation about politics on your first date with someone.
5. Something Unnies shouldn’t say on a blind date.
Don’t be too honest at the beginning of a blind date. Remember, a blind date is basically just exchanging images of two people. Give prominence to your good things, and hide your week points like a TV commercial. According to men, what makes them disappointed on blind dates are women who are brutally frank.
To succeed on a blind date,
1. Don’t asking too many questions about his neighborhood, car, job and family in order to know about his financial power.
2. Show your reaction to his humor.
3. However, don't be a clownish character. Don’t try to make a man laugh until you are close to him. When men show off their humor, it doesn’t mean they want you to do that too.
6. Decoding women’s language.
Men and women have different ways of communicating. Let’s recall the story in Answer Me 1994. Here is a quiz: A woman has recently moved into a new house. When she closes the door of a room, she has a headache because of the awful smell of paint. However, if she opens the door, she is going to die because of smoke. She asks her boyfriend about it. 'What should I do? Open the door or not?' While he thinks about the door, the answer goes far away. The correct answer of the boyfriend is ‘Are you Okay? Don’t you need to see a doctor?’ What women want their boyfriend to do is worry about them, not solve the problem. However, women also have to try to learn a way to express their feeling honestly to help men understand.
7. The magical word ‘OPPA’ 오빠
OPPA is a magical word that women use to give power to men in Korea. When women compliment men, they can enhance the affect by using 'Oppa' at the beginning of the sentence with a voice tone as high as possible. For example, don’t use this word like ‘Oppa, don’t live like this.’ Say ‘Oppa, how do you know this nice café? Oppa, there is nothing you don’t know.' Showing respect, complimenting and rating men high are the three main uses of Oppa. This world symbolizes the youth of men. When men are older, it can be hard for them to hear Oppa. So when women call men Oppa, It will make him turn to look at you. So don’t be shy, just practice calling men Oppa.
8. Pray for an expected partner 배우자 기도 Bae-woo-ja Ki-do
When you pray for a partner, don’t be greedy. Maybe you want a man or woman who is tall in height, good looking and considerate, and has financial power. What about a man or woman who is 52 years old and totally single but has all that you want? What you want from your ideal type might be a laborious task for people who are about the same age as you. Ask yourself whether what you want is really possible. You may believe that you just haven’t met your perfect partner yet, but the likelihood that you'll find your ideal type in your country is almost 0%, speaking your language is also 0%, and him falling in love with you is minus 0%. When you say your prayer for a partner, don’t say more than 2 things to be considered. Remember, a person who is attractive to you is also attractive to other people.
9. Look outside your ideal type
You have to remember that you are in a serious situation if you look around but there is nothing special. Real value may be captured inside a pitiful appearance, like the frog prince or princess. Unfortunately, that spell won’t be broken in this world. In order to expand your mindset, meet 3 people a month who may not be that good looking but have good reputations about their personality from other people. You'll see how they are nice and valuable.
10. Differentiate the woman you need from women you are attracted to.
There is a saying in Korea that if she has a good personality, then the relationship will be good. However, ‘pretty’ can ultimately be what men get confused with ‘good-hearted’. Men need a woman who can satisfy their sexual desire, but who they can also share a sense of emotional closeness with. However, sometimes when men have a pretty girlfriend, her bad personality is easily ignored. Men should know that it’s easy to get tired of having a relationship with someone who isn't considerate of you.
11. Don’t show all your cards. Take is step by step.
Respect other people’s fantasy and romance at least. You should know the differences between being frank and having good sense. You don’t need to tell all the stories of your life, which include the bad situations of your family. If you say everything to a partner on your blind date or to a new person you are interested in, they might feel pressure because of your relationship pace. They are not ready for your serious stories.
12. Forget your fancy life in the past.
You were popular in the past but now you are a solo. Don’t compare yourself to your friend who has a girlfriend and boyfriend now. And don’t count how long you have waited to meet your ideal partner.
13. Admit that fashion sense is as important as appearance.
Many men don’t know that fashion sense is as important as a person’s natural appearance. Don’t think that you are like actors who look handsome in whatever. Men should make an effort to stay trim themselves, like women do. Don’t wear shabby clothes, clothing that is suitable for high school boys, or golden chain necklaces on a blind date.
14. Men, if you want to be a fashionista, go to a bank and hair shop.
It’s easy to believe that women’s magazines displayed in a bank or hair shop are only for women. However, there are women’s ideal types in the magazine advertisements. Look at what actors and singers wear to sell coffee and refrigerators. Go to a bank to get pictures, and purchase some clothes to try on.
15. Three women make each other solos. Scatter and search for boyfriends.
You might have at least two BFs who are exactly the same as you, and understand you. Watching movies, going to famous restaurants and sharing emotions are done by your friends so you don’t need to have boyfriend. If you feel lonely because of a boyfriend’s absence, your girl friends will help you overcome it or forget it for now.
If you want to find a boyfriend, these are things that you shouldn’t do with your friends.
1. Hang out in groups. It makes men afraid of coming close to you.You don't want to look like this.
2. Advise your friends with a lack of objectivity.
3. Stay in an independent state as an adult with your friends.
4. Shutting your mind to new people. You should try to make new friends who might give you a chance to meet your new partner.
16. Get feedback from matchmakers of blind dates.
You think that you are a quite good person. However, you lose every battle. Then stop going on blind dates because you don’t know about yourself objectively. Ask matchmakers what your problems are. You can’t ask why your partner didn’t choose you, but matchmakers can do that for you. Make a report about yourself. Before you expect someone to be your right one, think whether you can be the right one for someone or not.
Find your lover, and enjoy your holiday!
Source tvN’s Sweet 19 of Kim Ji Yoon