And it gets more complicated, as you can see for yourself. I am contemplating around 20 chapters for this story, maybe a bit more, but I doubt it'll be over 25.

If you still miss Orange Marmalade as much as I do, marathon it now here!

Previously on Orange Marmalade: Look At Me

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16

Orange Marmalade: Look At Me
Chapter 17: Pushed

The donors are ready before I even make a decision, and there are more than I need, which is so surprising. There’s Ma Ri, and both of my parents, even my uncle and if necessary, Ma Ri’s parents offered to help, as well. The ones ready to help me are lining up, but I still can’t make my mind.

I still think it’s absurd to take such a risk just to be able to stand under the sun again. I think that the whole normalcy Ma Ri talks about is overrated. My life won’t end because the SPA stopped working on me, so I’m very inclined to decline the experiment and just adjust to my new life.

But then…

Then that means my parents also have to adapt to my new life, just so we can keep being a family. It means I have to give up on that dream I was building around music. And it means I have to give up on Ma Ri, who will come back to Jung Jae Min and who I’ll barely see. It’ll be like I moved abroad and now we live in different timezones.

I hesitate, I really do think about agreeing to that crazy experiment, but then I realise it’s just stupid. It’s not worth it. I don’t need to be in a band to play music. My parents can manage, we’ll find a good balance for us. And Ma Ri… she’s not even mine to start with.

Of course, that’s when the only factors I know are not being able to face the sun ever again and giving up on the things I had so far.

It happens when the doctors come again into my room, I assume to find out my decision in order to know how to proceed from now on. Ma Ri and I bow in greeting and then just wait for whatever they have to say. They don’t comment on the girl being with me, completely used that she’s always with me.

“I’m afraid we have more bad news, Mr Han,” Doctor 2 starts, looking at me with stoic eyes instead of sympathy. “It seems you might not have an option and will have to make the transfusion.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, my brow slightly furrowed.

“We have noticed more anomalies in your blood over the past few days. You probably haven’t noticed it as you’re here without doing much,” Doctor 1 explains. “But you are changing. Your body is rebelling against yourself.”

“Can you make it understandable for me?” I request.

“Roughly speaking,your own cells are attacking each other.” My expression must tell him I’m not following him. “Due to the changes you are experiencing, and the weakening of your body, this one thinks you are being under attack, so this is trying to stop the threat, however there is no such thing. You are not under attack, you are reverting.”

“Reverting?” Ma Ri asks this time, probably as confused as I am.

“Because of the human blood we gave him when we saved him, Mr Han is going back to the stage vampires originally were. Human blood makes vampires stronger, faster and better predators. His body had a taste of that power, and simply put, this is asking for more human blood to fully revert to what it is supposed to be like. Hence why his own cell are attacking each other, making him weaker in order to force him to consume the human blood the body is asking for.”

It’s confusing, I don’t think I’m following exactly what he’s said. I understood that my body is asking for human blood; rejecting somehow the pig blood. And I think that if they have come to tell me this, then it means it’s a really bad thing and it needs to be stopped.

“Let me guess, if I have the transfusion then this will be solved?” I sound bitter, but considering the headache this is giving me, I think it’s fair I react like that.

“It’s highly probably,” Doctor 2 replies my question. “And if you refuse, then it is highly likely you will end up rejecting pig blood and your behaviour might change, as well. It is very dangerous to leave you like this without doing something about it.”

“You’re saying it isn’t my choice anymore, aren’t you? I have do it no matter what.” They don’t reply, which is enough confirmation. “Lovely, isn’t it? Why couldn’t you let me die?! This wouldn’t have happened then!”

They stay silent and I get only more frustrated. Ma Ri reaches out for my hand, but I don’t let her. I stand up, getting all worked up because I’m tired of this. I don’t have a choice, this isn’t even my fault. This wasn’t what I wanted, but I’m trapped.

“You know what? Fine! I wanted to die to start with, that’s how this started so I might as well end it once and for all. Do your bloody experiment!” I cry out. “Or kill me already. I don’t care.”

“Han Shi Hoo!” Ma Ri screams, rising to her feet and coming over, even grabbing my wrist. “Stop it!”

“Why? Do you really think it’ll work out? They want to change all the blood in me! They might as well throw me under the sun and let that finish what I started!”

I know it’s not fair I’m taking this out on her, that it’s cruel but I can’t help myself. This whole situation frustrates and scares me, too. I don’t really know what to do or what to say, so I snap instead, and to the last person I’d like to treat like this.

“Have faith!” Ma Ri exclaims. “This will work out. You’ll be fine.”

“You have no idea! And you know what? Get out. You already paid me back, I don’t need you here anymore. I don’t want your blood, I don’t want your help.”

My words hurt her, I can see it in the way she retracts, her eyes telling me I’ve just stabbed her. Doing that to her hurts me even more, but I can’t really control myself right now.

“Go back to your humans. They are surely missing you. You did enough to pay your debt!”

“You think I’m doing it because of that!?” she cries out, louder than me. “You think I’m only here to pay back?”

“Then why are you here? Why are you being so insistent on helping me? This is not your fault! It was my choice what took me here. It’s my fault!”

“It’s not your fault!” she refutes, making me so angry because she’s just being difficult. “And I’m here because I want to.”

“Why?!” I snap once again. “You don’t need to.”

“Because it’s you! Because I can’t leave you alone, I just can’t. How could I leave you alone when you’re having such a hard time?” Her voice is softer, her eyes teary, and seeing her like this is breaking my heart. My own eyes burn with unleashed tears so I close them tight, trying to control my emotions. “I don’t care even if it brings me trouble with Jung Jae Min. I won’t leave you alone.”

This is not only giving me a headache, but also a heartache. It’s most unsettling to hear her talking like that, when I’m the most vulnerable. And her voice when she says his name… she is already having trouble, I can tell.

I turn around and only then I dare to open my eyes, when I’m sure she won’t be able to see me, but I notice the two doctors are still there, watching us with unimpressed expressions. Oh great, they just witnessed such a personal argument.

I think I really despise these two.

“I take that you will be going under the procedure. It has been scheduled for tomorrow night, we’ll be notifying the donors.” I am impressed these doctors can be so cold. “As chances of this procedure to fail are high, we strongly advise you to take care of whatever unfinished business you might have. You might leave the HQ for this, just be back before dawn.”

I chuckle as I translate what they have just said: say goodbye to your loved ones, you’re basically doomed anyways.

Oh joy, isn’t a wonderful time to be alive? Ha.

This is a work of fiction with no profit intent. All characters and context belong to the rightful writers of the webcomic and drama. This is made by a crazy obsessed fan for other fans who suffer from Second Lead Syndrome.

Bel, xx

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