On Monday, Dec. 18, Jonghyun was found unconscious in his residence in Chungdam, Seoul, and passed away on the way to the hospital. Yesterday, the police confirmed the cause of his death as suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning and closed the investigation. Dear Cloud’s Nine9 revealed Jonghyun’s parting letter.

Nine9 shared, “Jonghyun asked me to share this when he disappears from the world. I hoped this day wouldn’t come but, after discussing with his family, I’m sharing the will just as he asked.” Nine9 added, “There must be a reason why he left this to me. I worry that there could be a controversy, but I think he must have predicted the controversy and asked me to share this letter. This is the last I could do for Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun’s note reads as below:

"I am damaged from the inside. The depression that has been slowly eating away at me has completely swallowed me, and I couldn't win over it.

I hated myself. I tried to hold on to breaking memories and yelled at myself to get a grip, but there was no answer.

If I can't clear my breath, it's better to stop.

I asked myself who can take care of myself.

It's only me.

I was alone.

It's easy to say I'll end things.

It's hard to end things.

I lived all this time because of that difficulty.

They said I wanted to run away.

That's true. I wanted to run away.

From me.

From you.

I asked who it was. It was me. And it was me. And it was me again.

I asked why I kept losing my memories. They said it was because of my personality. I see. It was my fault in the end.

I wanted someone to notice, but no one noticed. No one met me, so of course they don't know I exist.

I asked why people live. Just. Just. People just live.

If I ask why people die, I guess they'd say they were tired.

I suffered and I worried. I never learned how to turn my pain into happiness.

Pain is just pain.

They told me not to be like that.

Why? I can't even end things the way I want?

They told me to figure out why I was hurting.

I know very well why. I'm hurting because of me. It's all my fault and because I'm bad.

Doctor, is this what you wanted to hear?

No, I didn't do anything wrong.

When the doctor blamed my personality with a quiet voice, I thought it was so easy to be a doctor.

It's amazing how much I'm hurting. People who are hurting more live well. People weaker than me live well. I guess not. Out of everyone alive, there's no one hurting more than I am and there's no one weaker than I am.

But they said I should live.

I asked why so many times, but it's not for me. It's for you.

I wanted to be for me.

Don't say things that don't make sense.

Figure out why I'm hurting? I told you why. Why I was hurting. Is it not okay to be hurting this much because of that? Do I need a more dramatic detail? I need more of a story?

I told you why. Were you not listening? Things I can win over don't end in scars.

It wasn't my place to clash with the world.

It wasn't my life to be known to the world.

They said that was why I was hurting more. Because I had clashed with the world, because I was known to the world. Why did I choose this? That's funny.

It's a miracle I lasted this far.

What more can I say? Just tell me I worked hard.

That it was good of me to come this far. That I worked hard.

Even if you can't smile as you let me go, please don't blame me.

I worked hard.

I really did work hard.

Good bye."

DramaFever sends heartfelt condolences to his family, friends and fellow ShaWols around the world.

If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts, The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. Call 1-800-273-8255 for help.