My life is not a Kdrama
…but I thought I could make it like one. I’ve been watching Asian dramas since I was 15, and they’ve taught me all I know about love.
Like, I really thought that if a boy loved me enough, he’d forever wait patiently by my side, caring for me and silently protecting me until the day I die (and then he’d be forever wounded, mourning my loss some more).
The main female lead in Asian dramas ALWAYS have two (or more) awesome guys fighting for her. They both love her unconditionally, though it’s the second lead who, despite his sweet persona, beautiful face, and wealthy background, always loses to the main guy.
I had these two guys in my life once.
My second lead was a beautiful, kind doctor who loved dogs and cooking. He was sweet to his mother and he got along with all my friends. We had a perfect five-year age gap and he loved me to pieces. I held him at arms length, though (commitment issues).
That was all until my first lead stepped in: tattooed, pierced, and darkly handsome with a low, husky voice. He had a temper that curbed mine, and limited patience to match. He was much older and (I thought) wiser, and had a dangerous aura that I had never before encountered.
Was it possible to find two men completely opposite in personality and appearance, both into me? Apparently yes, and I had succeeded.
Both men professed undying love, and I (like most Kdrama heroines) chose lead one, the one with the dragon tattoo running up his arm and shoulder, and finally curling up on his chest. Our love was a roller coaster of intense emotions that I perceived as passionate love. Along the way, my kind doctor was always there. He claimed I was the love of his life, the only person he could ever be with, and the one he would always wait for. The Kdrama heart in me was satiated; this must be real love for him then—this was exactly the drama way.
Well, as the months went on, Dr. Second Lead called less and less. I became less and less of a priority to him as my main lead became more and more of a priority to me. Then one day I woke up and realized that me and my Man With the Dragon Tattoo would never work, that we were falling apart, and as I reached for my phone to call someone, I couldn’t bring myself to dial Dr. Second.
Unbeknownst to me until now, we had been faltering all along and he was no longer in my drama. My second lead had left a long time ago, because let’s face it: in the harsh real world, who has the time or patience to wait around on your indecisiveness?
I guess maybe subconsciously it’s wanting to have your cake and to eat it too. But at the time, I honestly just thought that if they both truly loved me, they would both unwaveringly wait by my side. (And wait my second lead did too, for an entire three months…)
My story didn’t end the way I thought it would (as it usually does in the K-dramas); I didn’t end up having both guys as my friends and confidants—instead, I was alone.
I think I’m slowly starting to understand how love works in the real world. Everyone has one life to live, so why would they wait around forever for someone who doesn’t love them back? That sort of dedication in K-dramas isn’t love—it’s just dramatic effect, and now I know...it definitely isn't happening in my life.